Dec. 30th: THE-BIRDS-HAVE-LEFT-THE-NEST-RECOVERY-UPDATE

Well today was rather a let down for ma mère... She jinxed herself by saying she could be a zombie on the walking dead. Not that she looks like one, rather her skin(where the incision is) was not getting blood flow, as a result the skin was dying. Thus making her thirty minute appointment into a seven hour appointment, because they had to do surgery on it. The surgery was only forty-five minutes long but she was not scheduled for one so she had to wait a while. Plus side she got her drain on her right side out so now she can lay on her right side!!! I'm pretty sure she's in pain though (she's sworn a few times). I personally think the doctors like my mom and so they make up excuses to spend more time with her.
-Emma

Dec. 20th: THE-SNOW-BALLS-HAVE-BEEN-THROWN-UPDATE

Well good evening lovelys! I'm going to talk about singing again tonight, so if you have a phobia of reading about singing then you might as well stop reading now. I am in French 1 and today my teacher decided that we are so good at speaking French, which let's be honest we're not, that we should go around the school caroling(in French). Most of the songs I could only sing one line but I owned Jingle bells. I tried to convince her to let us sing that one in every class we went to because the other songs were kind of depressing. But I realized when I was belting jingle bells in one of the classes that all my other caroling peers were just as depressing as the sophomore boys in the choir concert. And I'm just as bad at pronouncing the words as them but I just tell myself that that I have an attractive accent. So my friends keep on the positive side of depressing events in your life like when nobody yells a song with you, or if your family members are rude to you, especially your siblings, specifically if they call you a rude name (not like this happened to me pfffft....). Oh yeah and my mom? Well I believe she's still alive and kicking it. You go glen cocos.

-Emma

Dec. 19th: THE-JOGGING-PARTNERS-WENT-THEIR-SEPARATE-WAYS-UPDATE

Awe, I'm flattered by all of your lovely comments! Sorry I've been busy the past couple of days, hence the no boobie updates. Any who, have you ever been to a choir concert? Let me rephrase that-a high school choir concert? Well I was able to go to one yesterday(at my own school). I went because several all of my lovely friends were in it. Little did I know that it doesn't get better for everyone after Jr. High... Don't get me wrong there were many great performances and many, many awful ones. Most of the songs were the slow paced, which it's nice to sing about the savior and all but I was excited for the common classics songs! About half way through, the choir teacher announced that the next song would be Frosty The Snowman! I thought to myself "FINALLY a non-slow song." I thought too soon. It was preformed by the sophomore boys choir, and I don't think I've ever heard it sang so depressing. It was awful, I'm pretty sure 50% of them were only there because their mom's forced them to be in choir. The other half were just all over the place. My favorite was a kid on the bottom row that was actually trying, but he's like one of those people that audition for American Idol because their family told them that they were good when really they aren't, and so instead of getting hurt feelings by their loved ones they get world wide embarrassment, and they're able to watch it over and over again. Long story short they were able to ruin one of the most cheerful Christmas songs in all of history. (This is the point where I tie it into a life lesson and my mom) So my mother went to the huntsman center Tuesday to get her drains out, sadly she only got one out and was told to rest more. Which is stupid because that's all she's been doing since the surgery! I guess even when she's doing nothing she's doing too much. We as people sometimes expect too much and are disappointed in the end. So be grateful this Christmas season for everything you have. And if some one gets you a gift that you find "stupid," thank them, because at least they're trying to be like Jesus(plus you can always just re-gift).
-Emma

Dec. 16th: THE-SIAMESE-TWINS-HAVE-OFFICIALLY-MOVED-UPDATE

If I make you smile, I like you. But if I make you laugh I consider you my friend. This is one of my many mottos, but i figured while I got your attention I should educated you as well!
Did you know?
that more than 45 million turkeys are killed each year for thanks giving?(PETA's really upset by this one, but I say LET THEM DIE)
That "shower" in French is "douche"(I like to douche.)?
That the sound of E.T. Walking was made by someone squishing their hands in jelly?
That Women are 37% more likely to go to a psychiatrist than men.(I blame men)?
That the song "Yesterday" by the Beatles is the most covered song?
(Last but not least) That "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts"?
My friend John once told me that God is love, and I agree with him. BUT I would add onto that and say that "food" is also love. My dear friends that are bringing love to our house-thank you. I am stressed so that calls for desserts, my dad is craving beef (or something besides chicken) and my mom wouldn't mind a pizza. So spread the love. Also Kevin is still going through a rebellious stage in his life... Stupid Kevin.
-Emma

Dec. 15th: MELONS-HAVE-BEEN-EATEN-UPDATE

I apologize for any grammar mistakes, keep in mind I'm a sixteen year old girl that could care less about where the semicolon goes. I'm also sorry if I ever offend you because that means you don't understand "sarcasm" which is a sad life to live. Any who, tonight I would like to make this post more interactive! So you will need the following materials:
-a person(any size will do)
-a screwdriver
Ok got those? Now lay flat on your back, place the person on top of your chest(preferably have them standing). Now take the screw driver and every once in a while stab it into a random body part(be creative). Ok the point of this exercise is when you're wondering how my mom feels. Now if you want to take it a step further have some one you love do this and all you can do is hold their hand, this is what I'm going through. So thanks for everything you do:) Sadly her recliner(that I recently named Kevin) is not working.
-Emma
Thanks for the dinner Nicole Payne Germane! I especially enjoyed the brownies!

Dec. 14th: THE-BOULDERS-HAVE-LEFT-THE-HOLDER

Sorry for the late post, I'm a bit of a night owl and haven't been home. I'm running out of titles... and things to say. Any who, so I've decide boobs are weird. They're just sacks of fat. SACKS OF FAT!!! So why do some guys obsess over them instead of the big sack below? I find the stomach much more squishy and fun to touch. They are are:
1. In the way
2. Hard to run with
3. Uncomfortable to lay on
4. Soft and sensitive
5. Hard to chest bump with
(Of course 1, 2, and 3 depend on the size)
Really men, what's the big deal about them? In conclusion boobs suck.
-Emma

S/O to Vicki Stevens for the beautiful painting she bought my mom(it made her cry), and Natalie Pressett Nussbaum for the funeral potatoes(they were delicious).

Dec. 13th: TATER-TAH-TAHS-HAVE-BEEN-SERVED-UPDATE

ok, ok, so after confessing my problems to you all last night I figured I should probably talk about my mom's problems. Well not so much of her "problems" more of what's she's going through. So I created a list of questions that asked her, but to make it more fun I'm going to answer each one also.
1. How do you feel?
Mom: I'm uncomfortable, I hurt, and I'm going stir crazy.
Me: quite well actually... I just had a bowl of ice cream:)
2. Are you tired of people asking how you feel?
Mom: *sighs* no, the answer is always the same.
Me: not at all.
3. What's been your favorite part of this experience?
Mom: *looks surprised by this question* Seeing your dad step up and be a great supporter. *begins to cry* he holds my hand at night and tells me I'm beautiful even though they could cast me as a walking dead zombie.
Me: getting to spend time with the wonderful woman who have birth too me!
4. Is this worse than having child birth?
Mom: yes because at least I got to take something cute home with me after.
Me: well... Um.... I haven't went through either of these experiences.
5. How many humps would you have if you were a camel?
Mom: *after referring to the question as "dumb"* one.
Me: Five(that's my lucky number, also I like to support as many people as I can).
6. What's you're favorite Christmas song?
Mom: I don't have one, depends on my mood...
Me: probably walking through a winter wonder land. Or little drummer boy, just because the chorus is extremely fun to yell.
7. What is one of your biggest dreams?
Mom: To take my family to Europe.
Me: To be in the circus.
8. Where's the most exotic place you've ever been?
Mom: Italy.
Me: The men's bathroom.
9. What is something that you want every one to know?
Mom: To treat every one nice because you don't know what they're going through.
Me: I'm now craving funeral potatoes;)

Well thanks for reading this novel, it may-or-may not be my last update... So thanks again for reading these!

- Emma

Dec. 12th: MY-FIRST-BOTTLES-ARE-MISSING-UPDATE

Well good evening! So it's beginning to look like Christmas... That is every where but my parent's room. Some of you guys have been sending my mother flowers. Which is AWESOME, they're very beautiful! So it's actually beginning to look a lot like spring! Now I feel like I should tell you a little bit about myself. In particular my quirks. First off I have Misophonia which is described as "the hatred of sound." I specifically HATE the sound of chewing(yes, even if your mouth is closed(no my own chewing does not bother me)). I'm really good at hiding it because I don't like to offend people by telling them they sound like an animal. Moving on, I have heliophobia which refers to the fear of sunlight(more specifically, skin cancer). So if you ever want to get me a cheap gift, get me sunscreen (I prefer SPF 80 or higher). I have meleagrisphobia, which is the irrational fear of (live)turkey's. Ok now you're all probably drooling because you could care less about my phobias BUT theirs a reason I'm telling you! So I have to confess, I have a fear of opening the front door. Which apparently falls under the phobia "Agoraphobia," which is described as a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult, or help wouldn't be available if things go wrong. Which I agree with because who knows who could be at the door?! I usually go for the worst case scenario(a rapist who has escaped from prison who's also a cannibal)... So if you plan to come to my house to visit my mom, (or you're bringing dinner) text her before hand so I know you aren't a child molester plotting my death. -Emma

Tonight's recovery update is brought to you by: Phobialist.com

Dec. 11th: POST-AIRBAG-DEFLATION-SURGERY-UPDATE

We're now in the recovery stage of this "adventure." You know how they say laughter is the best medicine? Well in this case it ain't. It hurts my mom to laugh, cry, and cough. But her smile is still one of the most beautiful smiles in all the world, and I don't think it hurts her to show her pearly whites so thank YOU for giving her something to smile at. On another note, I took this quiz online today called, "Are your loved ones plotting to eat you?" And there's a 53% chance they are... So I'm very grateful for the neighbors/friends who are/will be feeding my cannibal loved ones. Thus decreasing their appetite for my white acne covered skin. And shout out to Amy Porter Mitchell, and Natalie Pressett Nussbaum for the delicious brownies. Also I'd like to point out that neither of them are atheist. -Emma

Dec. 10th: BILLA-BONG-POST-SURGEY-UPDATE

She's still alive so that's good... I guess the doctors thought she was doing great because they sent her home today! So now your all thinking, "I should take a plate of brownies over..." Which is so nice of you, but we like to stick to hospital hours... so no visitors after 7:30(there will be a "place-food-here" sign if you miss your window). Thanks again for all your support! -Emma

Dec. 9th: JUGULAR-SURGERY-UPDATE (10:00pm)

Alright lovely people we finally got to see her!!! Surgery finished about an hour-hour and a half ago... But they took two centuries to bring her to the room. She just said, "It hurts like Hell." (pardon her French). Any who, she says she's thankful for all of you! Please continue with the positive and loving comments so she'll have something to look forward too! -Emma

Dec. 9th: TAH-TAH-SURGERY-UPDATE:

I'm writing this three weeks after my surgery. My sweet teenage daughter was so excited to post updates following my surgery. But I only had her post to my Facebook. I have had many of my blog followers ask me to post those updates to this blog. So I'll back date them for you to read and enjoy. My daughter is a hoot for sure....

Dr. Newmeyer came out a a little bit ago and said that the first part went well(and faster than expected) so everything is going as planned! Please keep her in your prayers(and if you're atheist we'll take food instead, preferably brownies... Yeah I'm craving brownies). -Emma

Bye Bye Boobie Party Recap

So I'm a planner...I've said that many times during my journey with BRCA1+ and honestly what better way to face the risk of cancer then be in my situation. I get to "plan". But what I really wanted to plan was something beyond the scary, unknown and surgeries...I wanted a PARTY. I wanted to gather my friends around me, laugh and find the JOY.

So I pitched the idea of a "Bye Bye Boobie" party to my friends and hoped they wouldn't think I was completely crazy. They ALL loved it! At one point or another many of these friends have asked me "what can I do for you?" So this seemed a great way for many of us to dump our energy into something fun and not scary like my surgery. And let me tell you, we laughed and laughed!!

The food had a boobie theme of course...
This was my favorite thing at the party...PICK your CUP SIZE drink glass (thanks Tausha)....

Some of my family and friends brought me gifts...


We decorated bras for some fun photos that will make me laugh for a VERY long time...

 

 

We had photo props (because what party doesn't)....

 

And I have the BEST group of friends ever....

 

Bridget and Camille I'm sorry I can't seem to figure out which person took pictures of me and you so although you aren't featured here, I appreciate you being there!!

Thanks to all my friends that were there and those that couldn't be there...it's a joy finding the positive in this rather negative situation of mine. I'm off to the hospital here in a few minutes and looking over this blog post brought happiness to my heart!!

BRCA1+ Diagnosis Affects My Husband Too: Suggestion on Coping

Honestly I've given this topic a lot of consideration and have held off finishing it for some time.

Me and My Husband (almost 22 years married)

When I was first diagnosed BRCA1+ I really felt like this was MY journey, not his. I felt like this was my "news" to share and not his. And every time he'd tell me about a conversation he had with someone about me I would more or less flip out. The idea that he was talking about his with people, talking about me to people and acting as if this was his problem to deal with upset up a lot.

However, a wise friend shared the following with me after I vented to her and I could not help but share this hear in hopes of shedding light on how my husband, your husband and other BRCA1+ husbands might feel.

This was how my conversation with my friend started:

ME:
Tonight Kirk was telling me he shared what I was going through with a couple of HIS friends and for some reason that really bothered me. I had a complete melt down and struggle when he says "we are going through" this to people...it's not his BOOBS that he is removing.

Anyway, I have a "really" hard time with people talking about me and this crazy stuff I'm dealing with...how do you get over that? It's one thing when I talk to people about it, but really bothers me when he tells me he shared with this person or that person. Did you ever deal with that with family or friends? Am I being completely CRAZY?


MY FRIEND CAROL:

You are NOT crazy. 100% normal. This emotional roller coaster is just starting. Things that normally don't even get a second thought will rub you wrong and iriritate you. It's ok. Hang on.

You will realize, early on, that NO one, not even your husband will fully understand what you are experiencing. And no matter how hard you try to articulate the physical and emotional suffering you are experiencing they won't be able to appreciate the gravity of the situation. You will go through a phase where you will want to alienate even your closest family and friends.

You may feel violated when Kirk talks about what's happening because he doesn't articulate to others the severity of what you are going through. Mad because he feels like he is going through it too. Pissed because he is sharing with others. But, it took me years to realize they are going through it too. When you suffer, the people closest to you suffer too. I never realized that they were hurt when I couldn't walk or breathe.

Maybe Kirk is telling people as his way of expressing how he doesn't understand what is going to happen to YOU....not the surgery but how it will affect the Lori he he's used too. The Lori he knows. He understands the physical loss of your breasts but not the emotional loss and change in YOU. People fear what they don't know. I think he is telling people in an attempt to mask the fact he is afraid of how YOU will be different not how different you will look. Maybe is is waiting for a response, from friends/family, that will resonate and make him less afraid. Men feel like they have to fix things, provide security... and as your husband he may feel insecure in the fact he can't fix your suffering. He can't give you emotional security. Sometimes letting him 'vent' to others is good because there will be times you won't want to talk with him.

Take comfort in knowing that the reason he is telling friends is that his love for you is so deep, so unconditional that he IS suffering too. Heavenly Father will be your best friend. Ask him for the strength to endure the surgery, pain and emotional roller coaster and the ability to NOT to kill your husband in the process. Wink. Knowing there are things he will never truly understand is half the battle. I recommend you share your blog. This will help him to realize the depth of what you are going through without minimizing your feelings with a shallow response/comment. Make sense?

Tell him now that there will be times you will need space and will shut him out so it takes the sting out of it when it happens. Take comfort in knowing he loves you. We all love you! And always remember... Its ok to get pissed. Your emotions are YOURS. You are entitled to feel the whole range of them. And, at the end if the day don't forget... You are doing this to live longer so that you can spend more quality time with him. Take what resonates and throw out what is trite and doesn't make sense. Trust your heart. Listen to the Holy Ghost and take solace in knowing that at least he cares enough to think 'this' is happening to you both. Sympathy is better than apathy... Any day.