You know the one that they tell you the BRCA1 blood test I'd gone in for on Sept. 19th came back with "not the news we'd hoped for," according to my Genetics Counselor. She wanted to let me know that the test was positive.
I have to say, learning about being positive has been emotionally overwhelming. I have joked repeatedly that "the only thing I'll probably ever get from my biological father will be cancer." It's always been a bit of a joke, but knowing how much Cancer has been part of the Larsen family and knowing how unlucky I tend to be, I always believed I would eventually be diagnosed with cancer.
But let's get real...I'm more often an optimist and always tend to see the glass half full...or maybe that's just me being completely oblivious or naive. So although my initial appointment with Wendy from Huntsman Cancer Institute was very informative, I was SURE as I sat there listening to her for that hour that this would never apply to me. My test would come back negative and we'd laugh about this.
Yes, I feel blessed to know this information and empowered that I can take the necessary (no matter how unpleasant) steps to assure that I'm here for my family for many, many years to come. I have spoken a lot to my Aunt J that has faced down breast cancer two different times and ovarian cancer...she too was tested positive along with her daughter. She assures me that skipping Chemo and all that she experienced having the opportunity to proactive instead of reactive is a good thing.
However... I still have cried quite a bit about this.
I tend to waver between being sad that this is even part of my life right now....
then totally pissed off that this is even a part of my life right now AND
....completely scared that this is a part of my life right now!!