Friday, October 18, 2013

Having a Pity Party Afternoon

So I thought I was finally at the stage where things start to get better and my crazy emotions aren't going up and down. Poor Kirk has suffered through some monumental emotional freak out moments and should get an award for listening and supporting me when I'm crazy. But I've been so busy with work this week that I've felt really good and like I am finally coping. In all honesty, I thought this blog had been the perfect cure for it all...and I was in fact "cured" of my depression. But all the sadness in the world and things I watch my friends going through (kid troubles, death, money, jobs and even cancer) just hit me like a wrecking ball (no Mylie reference intended) and I lost it. I hate crying when I don't feel like I have a reason dang it!

So chalking this up to a bad afternoon...

Then I remembered reading about another BRCA1 gal on the message boards. She was complaining about having a "Pity Party" and how she felt alone. Then I remembered how much loved one of the people's responses to her "Pity Party" and went in search so I could share it here.

Re: pity party, table of one -

by crunchster » 10/2/2011, 11:43 am
Your table has always been a popular one at the Hotel BRCA1 and there are many of us who have sat where you sit. Your posts indicate that you are already enjoying the floor show, "The Tap-Dancing Significant Other" makes frequent appearances in various costumes. Watch as he nimbly leaps and evades your every attempt to lean on him, but sometimes his show does have a surprise ending where he remains solid and there for you. You may also see the acrobatic feats of the Supportive Friends who will try to lure you from your pity place by promising to carry you on their shoulders. The trick here is to realize that some of them really can't carry themselves, much less anybody else, so be prepared for the occasional tumble if you take them up on it. Same story with the "Flying Family Trapeze" some of them will reach out and try to catch you as you "float through the air with the fear of disease" but luckily, you have already set up your own safety net here at FORCE. Even so, you may be able to cling to some of them- or not.
In all seriousness, the circumstances that now surround you are difficult and scary, not just for you, but for the people in your life who really care. You will learn who you can count on. There will be some who will go above and beyond your needs and expectations and others who will drop by the wayside. Some of them will fail you because they have their own baggage, not because they don't care, but because they just don't know how to help you. The lesson I have learned on my journey is don't expect people to somehow "know" what you need from them, no matter how close they are or how much they love you, they cannot read your mind or understand the dips of this emotional roller-coaster that you are now riding. Try to understand that they, too, are riding their own scary ride in which they fear for you and for the impact that this will have on their own lives. That's a hard adjustment to make and some people will just not respond in the way that you need them to. For some, time will bring them to the right place because this is, primarily, about "you." For others, it will always be about "them." For the guys in my life, I've found that concrete tasks are what they do best. My son devoted himself to finding good DVDs and entertainment for mom during her recovery. My husband helped me set up my "nest" for post-surgery. They really want to "do" something for you, even though what you may want is for them to hold you and tell you that it will be okay. And when you are ready to get up from your table, just remember that you are doing this to avoid that other table in the house; the one that faces the "exit" sign.


  1. Loves reading this and I feel like it is so good to have a putty party and really feel the emotions u r having!

  2. Remember to always be kind to yourself, Lori. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.


HELLO....I appreciate you reading about me and my experience with BRCA1 and "everyday life". Thank you for taking the time to comment in the positive (but if you want to be negative I invite you to go read someone else's blog).